do you believe in my god?

this is what you call christian
christ like you are not.
judgemental, accusing, and closeminded.
is this what you think will get you in heaven
looking down on anyone that doesnt believe in your god.
judging me will not get you closer to god
look in the mirror and face who you are
we are simply just human shells roaming this earth
in search of our oneness with god.
that makes you christian
definition christ like.

i am not you
so quit trying to make me fit
in the life that you wanted for yourself
but was too ignorant to get.
we want different goals out of this life
i want happiness
and to read in between the lines.
i step outside the box and go as far as i can
but i get strung back by your antagonizing ways
i will make something of myself and prove you wrong
but once again you will be too blind to see
because who i am is not you wanted for me
because who you are is so degrading
to them
but take yourself out of the spotlight
and direct it towards me
its so easy to blame someone else for your mistakes.
ill take this backlash one more time
but if you are not careful ill walk out of your life again
this time i wont be back.
i am openminded and need to be a more optimistic
i will work on that
as you watch me from the back.
imcompetence has kept you from succeeding.
succeeding will bring me new life.

can we get back to safeground today...?

i have fallen again
fallen off this cliff i called a life.
fallen away from the truth
fallen away from me.
now i stand here and say not today
i will not be made a fool of today.
its time
time for change
change that will turn me around once again
once again i promise not to stray
stray away from who i am
who i am is what i have become
like or hate it
this is me.
this is who i have become and will always be.
i will never blame anyone for what i am
only thank you for putting me through hell
thank you for all the abuse i endured.
with all this i have conquered and defeated
many obstacles in the past, present, and future
but the road blocks in the way
blurs my vision to see who i am
i will not fall away
ill say it a million times
stay straight in this path and i will overcome everything.

i will walk alone

in this world, physically here on this earth
i dont feel myself mostly.
stuck in this close minded life that you all lead
missing out on a chance to find yourself
your true self
not who they want you to be
not who they think you should be
i have been held under the water long enough
im breaking away from you
i will no longer let you drown me.
there will be a hand to help me out
but it wont be your judgemental, criticizing hand.
i will walk alone this desolate, damaged earth alone
then follow you or walk beside you
ever again
this physical realm will not be taken with you
just remember that
and tell me how you want to live.

let me update you

through all the darkness and evil that lies before me
i will not let you take over.
i will shut you out and take you down for a change.
dont underestimate my intelligence
like you have done so many times before.
you think you are so much better than me
but what have you accomplished that i havent
its too late to change your feelings now.
its too late to take back what you have caused
and its definitely too late for me to come around to you now
so just walk away.
the hurt, the pain will never cease.
my scars that you made wont heal
but i will take it with me
because its a part of me.
i will no longer let someone open those scars
i will no longer bleed your name
only mine
my wounds are closed now
leave them like that.
i feel so alive at times.
i feel so dead at the same time.
i am numb to life.
i am so numb.

im closer to home than i was before.

i have turned cold
cold to you
cold to me
just out of touch
theres nothing left here for you
my lifeless stare is dangerous
self destruction will get the best of us
i am susceptible to take you down with me
maybe not purposely but capable
of destroying you and all in my way
this isnt the end for me
im desperately finding my light.

i love all of you

ive never been so sure of love
the way you treat and love me
has never been felt before
then why am i so scared
scared to love you fully
filled with fear for commitment
i want to be with you forever
just the little things to get to there
drive me motionless
eyes frozen fists clutched very tight
i feel the air dispersing from my lungs
my chest caving in
i cant see whats ahead of me
my feet have come unglued from the floor
i want you to take away my fear
but maybe slower than i thought
the time has come for me to love you forever
i want to be with you forever.